Now how am I supposed to believe that?
by Felixfeles
Summary: We have all asked the question who threw the fricken shoe during Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats? Well wonder no longer the answer is here! Warning contains mad scotsmen, flying shoes, and egocentric jerks who have no sense of personal hygiene.


**I'm back again! and I'm going through a comedy streak which I intend to make full use of. **

**This is dedicated to the guy I met the other day who had enough grease in his hair to oil a car and reeked of BO and who though he was the bee knees because he wore designer shoes and was an underage smoker. **

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"Typical" muttered Ace to himself "why do I have to do my shift with a half deaf half drunk all crazy Scottish nutcase? How do they expect me to like survive for like eight hours with him?"

The nutcase himself was sitting across from Ace looking out the window and chuckling away to himself. Ace wasn't too sure what he was laughing at but he was sure that the joke had stopped being funny at least fifty years ago.

A cat yowled outside and Ace gritted his teeth. He hated cats, they were so not cool. All they ever did was sleep and lick themselves. That was another thing that wasn't cool, washing. Ace never took a shower if he could help it, it was part of his 'image', but useless furballs like the ones outside seemed to clean themselves like, every five minutes.

The cats were still yowling, more and more of them were joining in until they drowned out the music from Ace's MP3 player.

"For Christ's sake get a room!" He yelled, finally losing it. He took off one of his brand new designer shoes and flung it out the window. There was about five seconds of silence before the yowling started up again, this time with an 'in your face' ring to it. Ace groaned and tried to block his ears.

"tha won't keep em quiet lad" chuckled the nutcase said from across the room. "Cause they ain't mating ye see"

"What are they doing then Mac?" That wasn't Mac's actual name but everyone had long since forgotten what his real name was.

"They're singing lad" said Mac mysteriously "and singing beautifully they are, like an angelical choir"

"they're singing?" replied Ace with scepticism

"aye, all about Jellicle cats"

"Jelly what?"

"Jellicle cats lad" Mac snorted as if it was obvious.

"What's a Jellicle cat?"

"What's a Jellicle cat?" echoed Mac "What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat?" he trailed off and took a swig from his bottle. Ace shook his head; this guy should have been put in an asylum twenty years ago. Checking his watch he saw he still had half an hour left with the fruitcake.

Mac finished his guzzling and started talking again "this if a fine drop o scotch lad, Skimbleshanks gave it ta me."

"Who's Skimbleshanks?" asked Ace, inwardly he was thinking 'what kind of creep calls himself  
Skimbleshanks?'

"Why he's the railway cat lad, don't you know anything?" Ace glared at the Scotsman. Of course he knew stuff! For instance knew how to umm hmm what did he know? Oh yes he knew the world was round. And he knew how to make arm farts that were as loud as a cannon! See he did know stuff.

"The railway cat gave it to you did he?" he asked pretending to humour him. Mac belched then grinned at Ace.

"Yep I was once his stationmaster ye see. But he's only one of the Jellicles."

"There are others?"

"Aye lad, heaps o them. Let me see now Skimble's wife is the Gumbie cat Jennyanydots. Her friend is called Jellyorum. Jelly has two daughters Demeter and Bombalurina. They're pretty queens they are, especially Bomba; she's a sassy gal if I ever saw one..."

Mac rambled on and on but Ace wasn't listening. He'd found a mirror and was checking his hair to see that it looked ok. His mum said it was all greasy and rank but ace liked it that way he thought it made him look cool, like the guy of Metro Station...

"Rum Tum Tugger!"

"What?"

"The Rum Tum Tugger, I was saying that you're acting like him lad, always admiring yourself in the mirror".

"Who's The Rum Tum Tugger" Mac stared at him as if he really was stupid.

"Only the biggest ladies Tom around! Real Elvis Presley kind of cat. Good thing he's not human cause girls wouldn't take a second glance at desperate studs like you." Mac waved his finger in Ace's direction and laughed hysterically. Ace frowned, who said he was desperate? And who the hell was Elvis Presley? Meanwhile Mac was still rambling.

"Tugger's got loads of mates but his best mate would have to be Mistoffelees, aye they're like brothers they are, supporting each other one moment, and irritating each other the next. Tugger absolutely hates it when Misto calls him a bore".

Ace couldn't stand it anymore. "Mac you've obviously gone off your rocker, I mean how do you expect me to believe you? I mean singing cats? Come on that's just ridiculous. See you later weirdo, I need some fresh air" he said standing up abruptly. Walking past Mac he headed for the exit door.

"Watch out for Macavity!" called out Mac "You don't want him or his agents to rob you!" His warning fell on deaf ears.

Ace stepped outside and lit a cigarette. The guy was nuts completely nuts! He honestly believed every word he said about cats and Jellicles and all the rest. What a jerk. Looking up at the moon he saw it was full maybe that's why the cats were "singing" so loud, the moon attracted them. Puffing away he didn't notice two orange calicos slinking along the sidewalk, avoiding the pools of light created by the streetlamps.

They each carried a sock that bulged mysteriously with God knows what and wore mischievous grins on their faces. Tails swishing with excitement they hurried along as surreptitiously as they could. The smaller cat, a female caught sight of Ace standing alone in the street. Pulling at the other cat's tail to get his attention she nodded at the human and raised her eyebrows. The bigger tom knew immediately what she was implying. Impish grins spread across their faces.

Ace's vision was obstructed by a blur of orange. He fell over backwards and nearly landed in a dustbin. Was he in a hurricane? No, hurricanes didn't talk.

"Oi look ere Mungo! E's got an MP3 playah. Giggled one voice, Ace yelped at the ear buds were pulled out of his ears.

"An look at is fancy shoe. Oi could wear it for Munk's Pollicles an pekes play thingy!" Ace's foot was ripped out of his remaining shoe before he could protest.

"It's Pekes an Pollicles you dimwit! But yes your oversize head fits tha shoe perfectly."

"Moi head's not big! It's just large compared to your runty noggin."

"wot evah ya say Mungo."

Suddenly the blur (or was it blurs) were gone. Leaving Ace lying on the ground in his socks and without his MP3. He got up and ran back into the building.

" Mac! Mac! Call the police! I've been mugged. Mac looked at him and raised an eyebrow,

"Oh really?"

"Yes by these two orange cat weirdos. They took my MP3 player and my shoe!"

"They took your shoe did they?"

"Yeah they were like going to wear it or something. On their heads I think, for some play thingy."

"A play?"

"It was called freaks and follicles, or was it dinks and diabolicals?" Mac gave him a look.

"Come on lad you've obviously gone off your rocker, I mean how do you expect me to believe you?"

"what!"

"I mean orange cat weirdos? Come on that's just ridiculous."

"Mac I was only kidding man! Ok look I'm sorry, now would you help me call the police? Those guys took my shoe; it was a designer label as well" Mac rolled his eyes.

"Maybe it's a sign from the everlasting cat that you shouldn't spend so much money on a pair of shoes. Goodnight lad" he said getting up slowly, his joints creaking a little.

The shift was over.

Fins

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**Did Ace get mugged my Mungo and Rumple? Yes. Do I feel sorry for him? Nope.**

**R & R if you feel so disposed**


End file.
